if you do a search for jealousy you might come up with some threads of here of how you might be able to deal with it. It's a powerful tool to help us understand what we are not getting that we need in life. It has a message, it's just a matter of finding it.
I think that sitting down with her and talking openly and honestly will help. Then also with your boyfriend. Maybe you can figure out how to be on the same page and still all be together. It takes a long time to establish well adjusted poly relationships. Be patient, compassionate and respectful and take one step at a time.
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