Originally Posted by Ceoli
Agreeing to be a triad does not a triad make. It sounds to me like you're trying to slam a square relationship peg into a round emotional hole. Setting out a goal for a particular structure without *really* knowing if it's the right arrangement usually ends in heartbreak.
It's that same thing about prescriptive relationships. Emotions rarely follow directions.
And honestly, from what I've seen here, it never really seemed like your wife was fully on board with this. It sounds like part of the purpose of prescribing the triad structure is so that she can feel less insecure about you having another lover, because she is fully involved every step of the way and have some measure of control over your love for this other woman. And it seems she's still attempting to exercise this control.
Honestly, I can't see that ending well.
I wrote quite a few thoughts down about that on this
Well this is the arrangement that worked best when we were all involved from the beginning now that Wifey knows that I love Nikki I feel like she is putting a road block in front of a turtle. But our prior arrangement was purely sexual. Nikki and I have always had feelings for one another since we meet before I even knew Wifey.
I'm starting to agree with your comments about wifey. But its more like she(wifey) tells me that it is a square hole and then at the last min its a circle. Like she doesn't want me to resolve her issues.
Originally Posted by CielDuMatin
Yes... exactly! This!
What was the reason you decided that it had to be a triad? What does a triad configuration give you that a V doesn't? Is a "V" not acceptable to one or more of you, and if so, why not?
... and doing so causes resentment and various other forms of very bad friction and tension.
Originally Posted by YGirl
Or, it could be that Wifey and Nikki hit it off much better than Husbie could ever have envisioned in his wildest fantasies (perhaps a little TOO well indeed) and they are simply having way too much fun with each other to want to muck it up by making it three... at least that's the way it looks to me at this time.
Because the OP wants to get it on with Nikki. That was the original "goal" of the triad-mindset - so that the husband could be with both women and the women wouldn't have to "share" him to the exclusion of one another. That is how I understand it, of course I could be missing something.
Wifey and Nikki have not hit it off because wifey is blocking her feelings for Nikki. If they hit it off then I will get the invite and this is probity wifey's fear that I will now be able to express this profound love I have for Nikki.
You hit it on the head about why triad was this weapon of choice in this battle.
I think I am going to give it until the end of this month and if there is no progress then I will have to make a decision.