Originally Posted by mianej
...It's all a big mess.
I wonder if anyone's ever been in a mess like that and came out with all relationships relatively intact? ...
Well, I don't know if this is any help, but I think I had a similar situation. I'm in a quad where I have a relationship with both men and the other woman. My BF Sunday said that he thought he couldn't do poly, that he thought he was monogamous, and he shut me out for months--we still saw each other because of my/my husband's relationship with his wife, but there was no affection and it was awkward. It's been about nine months and we're still working, which is the bad news (at least, it feels like bad news to me) but we do seem to be making verrrrry slooooow progress, and my relationship with his wife, and her relationship with my husband, seem to be doing okay. I won't deny that there are problems, but I'm cautiously optimistic. I think the key for us is going slowly. I think if I had seen this story nine months ago I would have collapsed in despair, but really it's not as bad as it sounds if you take it one day at a time. I hope that helped more than it hurt. =/