Hi from Si
Hi to all. I am a sex positive poly-virgin, I have been in a monogamous relationship for 18 years with a woman and we have a child. Really love the glossary and potential of polyamory, and I am excited to explore and find out more. I actually tried to explain compersion to a potential lover recently and couldn't understand why she found it such an alien concept! But I do understand, it can be pretty horrible being single when you don't really want to be so it is natural to be possessive, and it is true that when you are looking around existing relationships will change. But from a polyamorous point of view when someone dumps you they are basically trying to hurt you. Its not to do with you and your failure as a lover and a person, however real those failing are.
In the last three years I have changed slowly, it started when I became tired of staying in, playing chess and monopoly on the internet and started looking for new friendships and going out.
I started to reassess my past experiences and started smoking marijuana and drinking again (but not random drug-taking) and going out dancing.
I started to become attracted to other women and men. I fell in love/infatuation with a woman but it didn't work out, but I was honest with my partner and established an open relationship, at present I am very much in love with her and I think she will always be my primary and is a monomour, but I realise now that my life isn't set in stone despite what I think, so I accept that it could change.
I came out as bi last year and dated and slept with a man but it didn't work out. I also went to a swinging club a couple of times (boring, but it may have just been quiet nights), went to a gangbang (exciting but I was a bit too stoned), a naked sex orgy (that was great, fucked three women and had an orgasm that almost made me pass out), but really want intimacy and love, swinging doesn't turn me on much.