The good thing about respectful partners
is that all it takes is remembering to check in twice about how they are feeling. Sometimes when a person is upset or beginning to have the seeds of resentment sown into their conscious thoughts, they tend to get a little defensive in which case it becomes deleterious to use that check in as something to plan your day, week, month or life to.
Everything always starts out a little bit rough, but from what you've shared it sounds like you have at least one of the hurdles cleared in that your boyfriend is respectful.
If your husband understands how respect is necessary, you could be enjoying a life on easy street, as when there is respect between the people involved in your life where there is not love, once that hurdle is cleared there is absolutely no reason your polyship can float or fly or both.
Once that respect is there the only thing you literally have to do is check in every once in a while. I know that sometimes even poly people -- who parade around town as the best communicators -- often are not, but even the types who try to plant those seeds of resentment learn quickly how effective it is to speak UP, esp when asked "how are you feeling about everything"
or whatever line you three come to understand to mean that you each genuinely care, and are willing to make the minor adjustments to address concerns.
Because that is typically all it takes to make dramatic differences in your life. Minor adjustments that you and your boy friend make can translate to night and day differences in your husbands life. When you all understand that and are willing to do it, the only reason for the ship to sink is because you want it to. Which does happen a lot -- whether or not all parties involved admit it -- but so long as your bf really is respectful and doesn't exploit any concerns your husband shares (often doctors refer to this as drilling, which from my point of view is the stupidist thing to do to a loved one) your husband will quickly learn how much love there is to be had in healthy relationships.
Last edited by Dirtclustit; 10-14-2013 at 08:40 PM.