I completely understand Confused
before the these last four or five replies got tacked on to this thread, it seemed as if it were specifically addressing another thread, while I can respect PolyinPractice's habit of strarting new threads that address topics of another thread which I assume is to not be viewed as hijacking, sometimes it is better just to be bold and say it when and where it's pertinent.
The only permanent rule that works for me is honesty, it works a lot like your rule of communication. We aren't really concerned with other partners truly making us more happy in life, because what makes us "happy" is more than just time spent on dates. It's about our willingness to see each other through the hard times or not-so-pleasant aspects in life. We do practice what is often called "hierarchical" as we have "primaries" and "secondaries" but those terms don't denote ranks of importance, but rather our partners decision as to how much of the offer the are willing to accept. Love is offered in the form of sharing my life, nobody is obligated to accept it fully and completely when it is offered, however much of the offer is accepted is totally up to them.
I don't have one top spot I call primary. Those who I consider "primary" are very involved in my life, they understand how becoming involved at that level does bring with it an elevated sense of responsibility, comparatively, although comparing involvement is not something I routinely do. During the times when not-so-pleasant things fall into our lives and we must deal with them, I don't call a secondary to leave work to stay home with a sick child, or make sure they stop to leave a check payment where it's needed.
And while we don't necessarily call primaries primary, or secondaries secondary, it is unspoken but I know not call my girlfriend to see if she can stay home with a sick shild or stop by with a check, it is simply not the level of involvement in my life that she desires. And if she did I would have two "primaries" so to speak. But there is not one Top spot among lovers in my life but there are different levels of how much of my life they are willing to become involved with, and I have no problem with my lovers choosing how much of my life they are willing to accept, they are free to accept as little or as much as they decide to, They are not held to that decision and it can and does change on occasion
Last edited by Dirtclustit; 10-14-2013 at 07:01 PM.