I've been having a great weekend. This morning I feel on top of the world. It's Thanks Giving weekend here and I have made lovely food, spent time with family and its a sunny bright day after a month of rain. Last night was a fun dinner at PN's mum's house and today we are taking our camper van to a nearby park we all love to eat more food and enjoy the sun.
The other night there was a dinner party put on by Brad's wife. I was surprised to be invited and had decided not to go until the last minute when Mono asked that we do. He thought we would enjoy the dinner at the very least and that I should get out and do something with people in the poly community who we have been close to for years.
The table was made up of Leo's wife (the wife of an ex of mine... a relationship that ended badly by way of a veto, as documented in this blog), my recently ex-girlfriend, ex-boyfriend, several people I have and had varying relationships with. I was scared and not very well and it was a huge effort for me in light of my lack of energy to socialize and be around anyone let alone people I think take issue with me. I was courageous I thought.
Mono was right though, it was fine. He was pleased to be socializing and pleased to see his old friends. I was happy for him. I talked to many people that caught me up on their poly lives and they asked me about mine. I was glad I went.
Putting into words where I am at always helps me and being asked over and over again helped me solidify what my experience is right now. I walked away feeling a little uneasy that Mono secretly isn't happy with where our lives together have taken us but soon came to understand that really he just wants to stay in touch and be friends with everyone. To him that is of great importance. To me its a matter of knowing when to take my leave and taking it. I have felt its time to leave but that night I saw where I am wanted and useful even if I am taking a different path.
Everyone has relationships of different importance. Regardless of what they are called or whether or not those feelings are reciprocated of not, we all have a need to be with people. I might not have the room in my life or desire to make room in my life for more lovers but I still need people to be near me, love me and accept me for who I am. If I find that then I am truly grateful and blessed. This is my thoughts this Thanks Giving. I am blessed to be loved and accepted. I am blessed to be able to love and accept.
Afterwards we had guests over and I drove a friend home. It turned out to be a good night and although I get deeply sad sometimes I am fine.
Happy Thanks Giving fellow Canadians.