Yes, I do know.
I think that time might be the only way for this to resolve itself. Time, and learning to trust - which comes with time.
I cannot, well, I kind've refuse to try to convince myself that he sees me as special in the way I feel I should be too. I think that might be selling myself short.
I freak out, for sure.... obsess, and try to confront these uncomfortable feelings of insecurity and fear. What it comes down to is this: What I have to gain vs what I have to lose.
Right now I have someone who WANTS to confront these feelings in each other because he truly believes that it will make us stronger people. I have come to 2 realizations... 1) I don't think monogamy or non monogamy is something I am very passionate about... I could really go either way. So, this is not something that has a deep desire in me to explore. It also says to me that I don't have some deep rooted moral opposition and that there are other things I value more in romantic relationships.
2) What I do want is to learn to let go... I want to NOT carry around these insecurities with me forever. I am really tired of avoiding, or bottling up my emotions. Right now, I have someone to hold my hand, to talk to about my deepest fears, and to help me walk through them. The poly thing is really just one way that I could do this, as there are probably many others.
So, I can make a choice.... so far, even though I feel scared, I am choosing this way.
We will just see, I suppose.