If it's any consolation, I'm a married woman seeking a relationship with another woman, and I'm finding it very difficult to find women to date. Seems like every other married bi women I encounter is looking for a unicorn, and I'm not interested in that. The gay women want monogamy, and I can't give them that. So yeah, I'm struggling, stuck mostly in online chitchat with women that live too far away for me to actually get with.
I've only been dating outside the marriage for a year, and I've found it is true that men are far more willing to overlook the fact that I'm married than women, at least as far as sex goes. In the year since I came out to my husband that I could not longer tolerate monogamy, I have dated one woman (very seriously) and two men (casually.) I've turned down other several men. As for women, no serious contenders are in sight, and like you, I get bummed out about that.
I have frequently had the thought that if I wasn't married, or if I identified as "gay" instead of "bi," my luck might turn around. But the truth is, I am married, and I am bisexual, and whoever wants to be in my life is going to have to deal with that.I comfort myself with the fact that I'm open, I'm actively looking online and IRL, and when it happens, it will be amazing. No sense getting into something with the wrong person just to get into something, you know?