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Old 10-12-2013, 03:18 AM
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LovingRadiance LovingRadiance is offline
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 5,510

The thing with dating is-that there are going to be many more turn downs than acceptances regardless.
BUT-any time you add a minority attitude into the mix-the number of acceptances is going to decrease exponentially. That's just reality.

If only 2% of the population (I pulled that number out of my ass) is poly-and 1/2 of those are women (for the sake of conversation) you just dropped your odds to 1% of the population BEFORE taking into consideration the possible lesbian poly women AND any women not attracted to you personally.

That said-Maca (my husband) has expressed this frustration also. The kicker I notice when he does so (which has resulted in many a lengthy conversation) is his idea that men are a dime a dozen for women to choose from.
I disagree.

Yep. I disagree.

Sleezy men are a dime a dozen.
Attractive to ME men are NOT a dime a dozen. In fact-in our poly life-he's dated 4 women and I have dated ONE man besides him. One. I have encountered MANY men who were interested-none of them fit my specs for a date.

Furthermore-I've met MANY women who were interested (in him or me or both) and only ONE of them met my specs for consideration of me dating (he doesn't need my specs for him to date someone).

When he stops to consider how many men meet standards that would be acceptable for dating in his eyes (he's straight-but just considering obvious "flaws") he can't see that there are any guys in the poly circles we travel worth my time of day.
He has only found one lady worth his time of day and she moved away.

My point is-that just because you want to be open to dating others, doesn't mean anyone in your circle is actually a good match and if they aren't a good match-why bemoan not be able to date them?
If someone finds my "polyness" unacceptable-they aren't a good match. So I don't wish I could date them. I am thankful to have avoided the headache.

I also find, that the people I know, who have no issue finding others to date, aren't making sex a big deal or even dating a big deal. They are making it a big deal to socialize with other poly people in group settings and make friends. What they find is that by agreeing to go out and socialize with other poly's (even if they aren't "dating material" for them personally) allows them to meet MORE poly people who aren't "as out" that they would never have known were poly in the first place. THAT is where they find their matches.

So-even if you aren't interested in someone who is poly-by simply agreeing to go to poly friendly social events with them-you will increase your chances of meeting other like-minded people who DO interest you.
By continuing to socialize only in groups of single mono friends-you pretty much create a dead end for yourself.
"Love As Thou Wilt"
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