You have to do what is right for your life and situation.
Me I do not play the primary secondary game. Murf is not a passing fling or phase for me.
I try to spend my time 50/50 but with my guys work schedule that is not possible. I spend approx 14 days a month with Murf. Has been that way since the beginning. I spend every other weekend with him. Then a night or two during the week.
I also do holidays with him and also his family. My children tag along when Butch is working.
40 yo straight female
Married in the eyes of the government to Butch since 2001...
Murf my monogamous second husband has been with me since May of 2012.
In a V relationship with an average 60/40 split of time. Only due to Murf's and Butch's crappy work schedules.