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Old 10-11-2013, 07:14 PM
AlbertaBea's Avatar
AlbertaBea AlbertaBea is offline
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: San Francisco East Bay Area
Posts: 22
Default How would you feel if your ex told you something disillusioning about your SO?

Hey Poly Peeps :-)

A good friend and ex, Tim, told me last week during a catching up session that he doesn't want to be poly anymore, and he's happy with his current girlfriend, Erika, and wants to focus exclusively on her. He told me that neither of them are seeing anyone else (except she's in an inactive marriage), and they have a great connection.

Fast forward to last night! I was with with another friend who is close with Erika. My friend was telling me some light hearted gossip about Erika's boyfriend, Ned. Apparently Ned is Erika's primary boyfriend, but Tim doesn't know about him. Erika and Ned spend most of their time together and have a public relationship, but Ned is in an active marriage that he is committed to.

Tim loves the chase and tends to go for women who are already strongly paired with another man, but this time he is under the impression he is the only man and he's stoked. He isn't the quickest to pick up on interpersonal cues and he's not very communicative. How would you feel if your friend/ex told you something this disillusioning about your primary partner? I know they haven't discussed the boundaries of their relationship. I'm thinking about suggesting that he have a discussion with Erika about his new feelings about her and polyamory, but I know it won't go well for him.
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I'm Alberta (F/26) and I've been in a relationship with Doug (M/37) for 3.5 years. We are long-distance and open. For the last 9 months I have also been dating Tommy (M/31). Tommy is in an unconventional marriage with Jordan (F/28).

Last edited by AlbertaBea; 10-11-2013 at 07:18 PM.
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