Need Advice: Potential Triad
I am a married woman, and I am interested in getting together with my best friend, who also has feelings for me. Several times I thought she was encouraging me to have a sexual relationship with her (she even expressed an interest in having a threesome with my husband and I), but in the end she always backs out from fear. She's concerned because she doesn't want to wreck my marriage, or her friendship with either of us. I know she's just scared that something will go wrong. She's worried about being my "second choice," and scared that I'll always choose my husband over her.
My husband is understanding of the situation, and he has even encouraged me to pursue her. The last time I spoke to her about this, she said, "As much as he says he's ok with it, it's not fair to your husband." I told her we could invite him, and she responded (after a pause), "So what, I'm supposed to just have half your heart?" to which I replied, "Love doesn't work that way. The fact that I love someone doesn't diminish my love for another person."
She dismissed the topic after that. We're good enough friends that these discussions don't disrupt our friendship. I feel as though I'm making progress with her by talking about this stuff, but I'm concerned that I'll push her too far.
I know it sounds like she may not be interested in polyamory, and I'm prepared to consider that. But every time we're together, we get more intimate. She keeps encouraging me, and then shooting me down, and I'm certain it's because she's afraid of jumping into this and not having it work out.
How do I reassure her? I want to tell her that I'll do whatever I can to meet her needs, and that if she's interested, she can become part of a triad relationship with my husband and I (again, he agrees). But I'm worried about coming off too strong. Help!