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Old 03-07-2010, 06:43 AM
katharinerose katharinerose is offline
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: Between the Sound and Rainier
Posts: 14

Originally Posted by maca View Post
The thing is, other than the financial benifits and the security of the kids, What does being married matter? I will care and love for LR anyways. Im commited to her and will remain so. So honestly, what besides mortal worldly benefits ,does a piece of paper and a cerimony mean?

Sorry if I sound cynical. Im struggeling with this concept right now and .......Just Dazed and Confused Life of Maca
I wanted to throw my perspective as someone who fights daily to be viewed as married to my love. That piece of paper and that ceremony matters hugely. Actually, we have/had two of each. A social/spiritual marriage, a legal marriage, and a domestic partnership. Before we were married the first time, we talked with our officiant, a former priest and friend of the family, and he said that in a marriage isn't something created by just two people. It is created by two people and all those who help to support and sustain that marriage. Opposite-sex couples who get married automatically have huge support for their unions not only from the government, but from the community. What we, and other families who don't fall in the "one man, one woman, forsaking all others" camp, were doing was much harder because that automatic support just isn't there.

Being able to have a ceremony, knowing that we were supported by our family and friends, and knowing that not only we but they would help us keep our commitment to one another, was huge. Even if, as was true at the time, we didn't get any recognition from the state and in the eyes of the law we were strangers (and still are, according to the Feds).

And when we got that paper from the Commonwealth of Massachusetts that said that they recognized that we were spouses, that was huge, too, for the security that it brought, and for the formal acknowledgement that, there at least, our relationship and our shared life was equally as important and worth supporting as that of our straight friends and family.

As in all things, YMMV, and not everyone needs that kind of public support/acknowledgement, but when your family looks so very different from the norm, having it can be extremely powerful.
So in search of love and laughter, I'll be travelling 'cross this land,
Never sure of where I'm going, for I haven't any plan.
And in time when you are ready, come and join me, take my hand
And together we'll share life out on the loose.

Dancing about Architecture: A Journey into Polyamory
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