I live in a house now where I spend times in different areas of it for different reasons. I live between two houses. Downstairs I live with Mono. His furniture that we bought together, his space that he pays for to PN and I. He does the house work and makes his own meals. He has his own bed there and his own man cave set up where he watches stuff I don't like and goes on his computer. He helps out around the house when he feels like it or is asked and we borrow his truck sometimes. He has a spare room that I have my painting set up in and I have a room of my own in his area of the house.
Every night we share my bed and his bed is empty. I used to sleep there when I couldn't sleep but now we sleep wrapped up in each others arms every night and have done since the spring. We cling to each other and breath together. I listen to his heart beat still looking for signs that it is racing as it did when we were struggling this past year or two. I have no sign of it any more. I read him easily and there is nothing to read right now other than contentment.
Upstairs I am mumma. I make meals, do house work, discuss household activities with PN and plan social events. We host most social events upstairs unless the people coming over are Mono and my friends and then he and I host downstairs. LB has his room upstairs but he comes down sometimes to spend time with Mono and I and snuggle in my bed watching tv and reading as he is right now.
Outside PN and I garden and Mono cuts the grass. Mono helps out if we ask but otherwise he has his own space out there and he sticks to that. We spend time at the fire pit or sitting drinking tea each afternoon in the summer. There are apple trees that Mono eats all of the apples off of and LB has a trampoline that he bounces on every day.
Upstairs I have a dresser, clothes in PN's closet, coats in the coat closest, shoes, stored clothing and items, books on the book shelf. There is my furniture from my family up there and furniture that PN and I purchased together and family photos, music and tv etc. Lots of computers too as Mono likes us to have many each from various jobs he's done or deals he's found.
I have been getting rid of tons of stuff to make room for PN to have his own space and spread out a bit. He wants me to move my stuff out but there is no where to move it to. I have a side table by his bed to get rid of, clothes in the closet to move out, my dresser and accessories to put somewhere... I don't know how to achieve this and have my own space. He is patient and waits. If he gets a girlfriend I don't know how this situation will go down with her.
I am not really part of either house and don't really have a place. That bothers me sometimes but I also am fine with it as long as the guys are okay with it. If anything happened to change our situation I would move out, we would sell up and divide everything according to who owns what and what we need.
I have no fear of anything any more. I actually fantasize that I might have my own place as a result of change. While on the bike trip this summer I had time, sitting on the back of the bike, to wade through the pain of many different scenarios that could occur and now am at a place where whatever happens I have no fear.