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Old 03-06-2010, 03:14 PM
GroundedSpirit GroundedSpirit is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: New England USA
Posts: 1,231

Originally Posted by mianej View Post
Maybe that's because I'm not sure in how much detail I want to go in this forum.
Totally understandable

Originally Posted by mianej View Post
I believe the issue is indeed jealousy. My friend feels insecure in her relationship to her BF because she feels too dependent on him.
Well, that of course explains a lot. Not a lot you can do except be the best friend you can be (as before) and try to impress on her that you are looking at ALL of you us a unit. Not a competition. (Let's hope this is true!)
The dependency thing however is serious. Nothing I'm immediately aware of that can throw a wrench in the gears of a relationship like dependency. If you are dependent it puts you in a place of fear of loss. It undermines your own self confidence etc. THAT is a project (and concept) that she needs to be brought up to speed on. We have enough situations in life where dependency tries to get a hold as it is (jobs, family etc) that's it's totally self defeating to be adding things ourselves. The goal must be to strive for as much independence in our lives as possible !
Love does NOT need to equal dependence !

Originally Posted by mianej View Post
She doesn't have a problem with me personally and wants to have some kind of relationship with me, altough she can't tell at the moment what kind of relationship because she can't get through to her feelings towards me
If the situation were reversed - what would feel 'right' to you ? (regarding your relationship & communication)

I might suggest just trying to keep it light and friendly. Friendship first - the rest can follow. Email (or test) is good. Maybe just send a {{hug}} occasionally. Try to talk a little about other things - work, social activities etc - just normal non-relationship things. Same as you would with any best friend. Just try to assure her you value HER and the relationship you have. Leave the BF and whole triad thing out of the picture for awhile.

Originally Posted by mianej View Post
My question is: Will it be okay if we don't talk much for some time, like, a month or two - so that she has room to calm down a bit and sort out what she wants?
See above

Originally Posted by mianej View Post
I fear she thinks it's either the restaurant as it is WITH me in it - or nothing at all.
So what do YOU think the situation is ?

How does your BF see it ?

Do you think that's what she wants/needs ? Monogamy ?

Keep in touch.

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