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Old 10-10-2013, 02:06 PM
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Murasaki Murasaki is offline
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 72
Default trying to catch up

Originally Posted by kdt26417 View Post
Re (from Murasaki):
No offense taken. I think I started out with the idea that since I am the unmarried person in my V, I am like the "would-be unicorn" to my two married companions. Of course, that would only fit the stereotype if we were a triad, I were a bi female, and my companions were a bi and hetero female and male respectively. So I'm not really a "unicorn," but I made comparisons to fit for the sake of argument.

At the time it hadn't occurred to me to compare our V to a "couple with privelage." The only difference is that there are three of us instead of two -- and yes, we are poised to exercise a certain amount of privelage (over a newcomer). One lesson to learn is that perhaps we, too, a trio, should be prepared to have some flexibility, should a fourth person ever come into our life.
Until your comment about sharing emails I had not thought of a triad or V exhibiting privilege over a new relationship. I guess we are both thankful to your remarks on emailing It makes just as much sense as a couple who act in a privileged fashion. Food for thought.

On Sharing email info:
Kuroi and I have shared all login and password info on everything. This stems from the beginnings of the internet, when email was new. Due to forgetting logins, ect we created a shared address book that we store everything in. It's not common for either of us to "check" the others accounts, but it does occur on occasion with the other person permission or request depending on the situation. I let my potential SO’s know for just in case. Not sure if Kuroi does the same, I have never asked. I have however stated that I expect it to be known.

Originally Posted by london View Post
I view rules that control how someone can interact and bond with a new partner as restrictive. For example, if there are rules around when and how a date can place,
Who says its a “rule” that restricts WHEN a date can take place? Maybe it’s more about time management then any rule. In my relationship it’s time management. I may WANT weekends with Kuroi because that is the time I have available. Does that mean Kuroi is obligated to give me that? Or is it just that Kuroi NEEDS to take my requests into consideration when making plans with someone else?

If Kuroi decides to grant my request and then invites someone out on a weekday date, is that really me creating a controlling or restrictive “rule”? Or is Kuroi taking that request into consideration? Is this a case of an assumption being made that my request is a demand with no flexibility? Or is Kuroi attempting to grant my request first, if the other person will accept a weekday date. If this other person isn't available and the only time they can meet is on the weekend does my request then get set aside? YES. at least this time it does, maybe next time I'll get my request granted.

This has actually only happened on the JOB front, but it illustrates my point I think. I asked Kuroi to see about getting a Friday or a Saturday off once or twice a month so we could have a day off together. So far I have gotten ONE Friday in a months time. But I'm hopeful for more each month that comes along.
Me - Murasaki - Bi/pan
Kuroi - Straight (LTR 22+ years, married/fwb)
Momoiroi - child of Murasaki & Kuroi

Kimidori - Kuroi's SO

My lovers - Darkness & Mysteriousness (2+ years)
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