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Old 10-09-2013, 03:59 PM
Nadya Nadya is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 528

Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
I chose to remain childless by choice for a loooong time. I love kids, I'm the director of a child care center! But I valued my freedom more, and reasoned that there are already plenty of people in the world without my bringing more into it.

Then, I met my boyfriend, who already had a 1-year-old son when I met him. When Kiddo was 6, we took over primary custody, and suddenly I wanted more than anything to have a baby with Fly. I can't tell you what changed, but the need to have a child was so deep and visceral, it freaked me out. It was a complete 180 in my life philosophy! Long story short, we tried for 2 years before discovering that due to the effects of a chronic illness, my body is not suitable for carrying and bearing a healthy child. The realization was like experiencing a death, and I had a very hard time coming to terms with the situation.
Thank you, Jenny, this is a very touching story. I have never felt the need to have a baby with anyone, but I believe this is what is happening with CJ now. His wish for a child is so pure and so real that I was absolutely willing to do that for him. I saw how the thought made him happy, and I want to see him happy.

Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
This is so strange to me, because no one CAN make that choice for themselves. By not having a child, you are making a choice for them -for that potential person to not exist. That's fine, there's nothing wrong with not having children, but I find your reasoning concerning. Additionally, even if your mental health status is improved, if you're still feeling like you wish you had never lived, I have serious doubts as to whether you're in a place where you should be raising a child.
I was myself surprised by my emotional response. It started with a little nagging feeling that I tried to ignore since I thought that having a kid would make both my partners so happy and I just MUST go along with it. And, it ended in a full-blown panic attack, and that was when I posted this here. In a very emotional state. I, too, found my own words and my own reaction concerning, and that is why I wanted the outside perspective to this. And yes, I agree - if I wish I never lived, I definitely should not get pregnant!! Thus the re-assessment of my beliefs (see the post above).

Originally Posted by RainyGrlJenny View Post
Stand your ground for what is right for you. I'm not familiar with your poly story, but do your guys have other relationships or the freedom to create them? Perhaps there are other avenues where they can experience being fathers without involving you in the procreation process.
Thanks for all this insight, Jenny! I realized that I cannot make someone happy by doing something that is against my own values. Either I change my values or stay childless - those are my choises.

My guys are free to create new relationships as they wish, but... Mark is mono and CJ's other interests have been either men on trans-women. So I am really the only person with a womb in this picture - thus the pressure on me. And, CJ is not willing to adopt - he wants a child that is biologically his.
sharing my everyday life with
CJ: legal husband and
Mark: partner

Last edited by Nadya; 10-09-2013 at 06:55 PM. Reason: typos
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