I normally just read people's responses but, I had to comment on this one.
Mostly it is my opinion but, it also has a look in to some of black cultures mindset
without being to general. (You know, this is what all Black Americans feel).
My major points are as follows
- Terminology ignorant
- Feeling Segregated
- Multi-partner relationships Vs Mono
- Going to meetings – Trust and Locations
When I began learning about this lifestyle it blew my mind. It was an eye opener to say the least.
I thought to myself is this what I've been doing most of my life and I didn't know what it was or what to call it? I think we as Black Americans think of these type of relationship as either being a player or a Hoe (Whore). Not really something that is shown in a positive light.
I have been in multi-partner relationship since I was probably 8 years old. Varying for MFM V-type to several MFF's in my teenage years. I didn't have any other type of consensual poly type of relationship until I was in my Mid 20's
When I began studying this lifestyle in college I thought that it was just whites who partook in the terminology of Polyamory lifestyle. After atching many movies on the subject that was the consensus I arrived at.
To make matters worse, well... at the time before I realized it didn't matter.
I noticed a trend that poly's were pretty much pagan. Coming from a Christian (Southern) background.
That was a big No No! This had to be of the Devil LOL. It wasn't until I read the liberated Christian website and looked in the bible myself to find out that God never looked down on multi-partner relationships. He even gave guidelines on what is expected if you partake in this lifestyle. Granted it was polygyny, but you get the point.
Sometimes we as people will look for our own to validate or calm our minds. Kinda like whites going to the ghetto to hang out or do missionary work. It may make you feel safer to know someone else is there that's like you. Well, It's like that when we (blacks, or at least for me) sometimes travel out to the country or the woods. As long as I you see another black face out here then maybe I won't get hung. I watched too many movies like Mississippi burning and such growing up.
Multi-partner relationships Vs Mono
As I mentioned before, I've been in these type of relationships and they were nonsexual. I think my first was a MFF with my first love and her cousin. We all went to church together. My first love asked me to go out with her cousin too because she liked me.
Next was a MFM V-Type. Me and a friend shared a girl. We would take turns kissing her. Sometimes in front of each other and sometimes by ourselves. I think I was around 7 or 8.
I didn't have another multi-partner relationships until my teenage years. I wouldn't have any girlfriends for months or years. When I finally got a girlfriend, I always end up with two or three (although 3 was rare). Talk about time management. Try juggling 2 or 3 girls talking on the phone!
Without going into every scenario, it is an spoken and unspoken rule that you should grow up and settle for your one true love. One can't be a player forever. I never considered myself a player, but that's what you're labelled as if you have multiple girlfriends.
And yet, those types of relationships continued for me. One type was a MFMM and it was interracial. All the males were black and the female was white. She was gorgeous! A 10 in my book.
Of course when my mother found out she gave me the never trust them (white girls) talk. “They'll get you in trouble. Stick with you're own. Too many black men have been killed or put in jail for dating or having sex with them. You don't want to die or go to jail do you”?!
Granted there is some truth to it, so it was enough to keep me from pursuing it in those days. At least publicly. (Personal experience too long to go into for this post). Not to mention you would be labelled a sell out by the black girls in school. Gotta love the mind control of early years.
Going to meetings – Locations
I have looked at going to meetings just haven't been able to. I have noticed that many of the places that have a big poly community are places I've visited and didn't know it. Austin, Raleigh, Tampa, Orlando, Philly, etc. With the exception of Philly (mainly because I didn't know about it when I was there) I found out about the meetings either too late or I was leaving to head home the day of the meeting.
Also, when I came to visit Santa Fe, and Albuquerque. It was nice to see the Native Americans selling their artwork and the Hispanics doing their thing along with the Whites. However, there weren't many blacks there.
I did wonder if there was a poly community. I didn't bring my laptop so there was no way for me to find out. Far be it from me to just walk up to a stranger and say “Excuse me, are you poly or do you know of any poly groups in town”?
When I got home and looked on this site I noticed kdt26417 was from Albuquerque. I thought “Damn, there went my chance to talk with someone who's poly”.
Although I have lived in another part of the country, I do live in one of those southern states, kdt26417 mention. Right now, I'm looking to get out of the south to broaden my perspectives so to speak. I'm researching to see where I think and feel I belong. I've looked at Ohio, Seattle, Colorado, Texas (I know it's still the south, But it's not deep east south) and places that I thought I would never live.
Mostly because I'm in the technology industry. Tech industries can be centrally and heavily populated in some of the mentioned states. Including but not mentioned: Arizona, Nevada, and California.
Almost enough to say that tech heads, technocrats, tech geeks, and nerds are more open to this type of lifestyle. Maybe it's more of what kdt26417 mentioned
“My question is, why does most of the poly population seem to be drawn from Caucasian (read: white and of European descent), and even especially well-educated and well-off Caucasian peoples?”
Maybe it's because some well educated whites gravitate towards and dominate these fields.
Sometime I wonder if poly meetings are a front to get your name in a database for future nefarious intentions. You know, reserving our own little room in the Ministry of Love (Modern day FEMA camps) lol.
But seriously, that's how the Gays, Gypsy's, Jews, and Japanese were rounded up in WW2. Census data.
As far as trusting whites or anyone for that matter. You have to be willing to open up yourself to different cultures to dispel the lies of the majority. As I was growing up it was a common belief that whites had it made just because they were white. It wasn't until I went to college that I saw that statement/belief was a lie. I watched poor whites have to drop out of school because they couldn't afford to go any longer. I also met one of my life long friends during that time (Nothing poly, just a good friend). Whenever I begin to become programmed by the TV to think about whites in a negative way. I think of him and his family, or I'll go and visit him to keep myself grounded.
It's the same way with the Hispanic culture. I have great Hispanic people that I can look at and talk with to dis-spell the lies. Which are they are all illegals only here to drain the economy and steal jobs. I get to personally see hard working people trying to have a better life. Not in criminal activity or into drugs or gangs.
I guess that's it for now. If I think of any more I will add an addendum.