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Old 03-05-2010, 05:35 PM
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CielDuMatin CielDuMatin is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Upstate New York, USA
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Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "Keeping score"
Sorry - I didn't explain.

"OK, I held her hand, that means I now have to hold HER hand. I don't feel comfortable kissing her today, so I can't kiss HER today." that sort of thing. In my opinion the relationships are independant and shouldn't be compared.

Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
Both Nikki and Wifey are very passive so their relationship is progressing really slow. Meanwhile I am waiting around for the grand invite!
The "grand invite" to what? Join their relationship? I would suggest that there is another way of looking at this - that you will never join "their" relationship, because that is theirs - let it go at the pace it will, because it should affect you. If it DOES affect you then you need to work out why.

Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
I am very forward, aggressive, and outspoken so I see opportunities where progression can happen in their relationship and it frustrates me to see them not taking them.
So it frustrates you that you can't influence or control their relationship and dictate the pace of it.

Originally Posted by polytriad View Post
This in turn only makes me desire Nikki more and feel resentment toward Wifey. It the beginning of this "her date Nikki and Nikki and I just be friends"
So you have set things up so that your wife and Nikki's relationship limits or shapes your relationship with Nikki. It's not surprising that this causes you tension, and maybe this is something that you need to examine, the three of you. Why does this muzzle have to be on? What purpose does it serve?

I understood that they wanted to date eachother without me so they could figure out if they even wanted to work on a long term relationship. I feel like they are past the dating phase and are now working on the relationship.
Bluntly, it doesn't matter what you think about what phase they are in - they are in whatever phase THEY feel it is in.

With that being said, I think the poly triad relationship can run parallel to the interconnected separate relationships within our triad. But like I said in previous post that if I bring this up then I'm branded as impatient.
Well, the three dynamic is definitely affected by the inidividual pair relationships - that's unavoidable - maybe it's not even destined to be - maybe it will be a triad in the sense that you each have your individual pair relationships, and work as friends as a three. Cna be perfectly viable.

I really don't know what to do at this point.
Well, it feels a bit like you are trying to force this to be something that it isn't (at least isn't YET). You have your "ideal" of where you want this to be, and are "working towards the goal", without regard for how the other two really feel.

(and if this feels like I am throwing stones, here, it's because i did EXACTLY the same thing in my first poly V/triad - it ended with just a load of resentment from everyone)

You need to relax, you need to get to the point where you and Nikki can have your relationship and work on that, and you can put energy into working with your wife on yours, too. Work on the three of you being good friends, do stuff together - don't push. They say that the trick is to go at the speed that all are comfortable - and it sounds like you aren't willing to do that, or are getting frustrated doing that. That is something I think you need to work on.

Also, try to get rid of the idea of how this needs to be as a configuration, and let it be whatever it will be. Try to stop forcing it into your ideal.

If this sounds blunt, please forgive me - I kind of wish I had someone telling me this stuff years ago....

"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb
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