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Old 03-05-2010, 05:18 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Posts: 105

I'm not sure I understand what you mean by "Keeping score"

Both Nikki and Wifey are very passive so their relationship is progressing really slow. Meanwhile I am waiting around for the grand invite! I am very forward, aggressive, and outspoken so I see opportunities where progression can happen in their relationship and it frustrates me to see them not taking them. I love to talk out issues but I don't see a feasible resolution as Wifey is not ready to include me in on the relationship. This in turn only makes me desire Nikki more and feel resentment toward Wifey. It the beginning of this "her date Nikki and Nikki and I just be friends" I understood that they wanted to date eachother without me so they could figure out if they even wanted to work on a long term relationship. I feel like they are past the dating phase and are now working on the relationship. With that being said, I think the poly triad relationship can run parallel to the interconnected separate relationships within our triad. But like I said in previous post that if I bring this up then I'm branded as impatient.

I really don't know what to do at this point.

Originally Posted by CielDuMatin View Post
This "keeping score" thing is disturbing. All the more because in the past I have done it.

You have to let each of the four relationships in this group (you and your wife, your wife and Nikki, you and Nikki, and the three of you) develop as they need to. You have to stop second-guessing the others, too - and you have to establish the dynamic that if someone is uncomfortable with something they will tell you and then the three of you can work to resolve whatever is disturbing. For example "It makes me uncomfortable when I see you two french kiss" doesn't necessarily mean you stop french kissing, but you do it in private.

It's too easy to get into a dance of doing what you think others want you to do, and crippling yourself and your relationships in the process. If you're not sure about something, then get into the habit of asking.
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