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Old 03-05-2010, 04:21 PM
polytriad polytriad is offline
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Join Date: Feb 2010
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After the long deep conversation between the three of us, Nikki and Wifey had a conversation one on one the next day.



During our group conversation it was identified that Wifey wasn't able to develop romantic feelings for Nikki because I reverted our relationship (me and Wifey) to the same level that Nikki and Wifey relationship was. For example:

Nikki and Wifey were not having sex, so Wifey and I wasnít having sex. Nikki and Wifey werenít cuddling, so Me and Wifey wasnít cuddling...etc...



I wasn't doing this on purpose it was just happening that way. I think subconsciously I was worried that if Nikki was to see that Wifey and I were doing things her and Wifey wasnít, it would bother her.



It was also identified that my focus was on both Wifey and Nikki instead of just being on Wifey. Nikki and Wifey were supposed to be dating and Nikki and I were supposed to behave as friends. Nikki and I were in effect supposed to be showering Wifey with love. Nikki was doing her part and I wasnít. Because of my subconscious reverting, Wifey was trying to figure out why our relationship had reverted which gave little or no time to focus on developing her relationship with Nikki. She was consistently worried about how her actions with Nikki would affect her standings with me. This resulted in Wifey feeling like if she was to be in a poly relationship (triad) with Nikki and me, she would get more of Nikki and less of me. This was defiantly not the perception we wanted to linger over the idea of a triad nor was it a good representation of how we wanted things to be long term.



It turns out that Wifeys feelings for Nikki werenít being affected by the way I feel about Nikki. Her feelings were being affected based on the way she felt I was treating her based on the way she was treating Nikki. This may have caused some misplaced resentment toward Nikki. The resentment also was developing because I was doing things for Nikki such as helping her cook or helping her do laundry when I donít do those things for Wifey.



The outcome of our conversations both separately and together helped us grow and refocus on our common goal. Wifey and Nikki wiped the slate clean and are starting over. I am going to make sure to keep my focus on Wifey and her needs. Nikki will do that same. Wifey expressed that she can return our energy full circle meaning that if I am giving her love, she can not only give it back to me but to Nikki as well and vice versa.

I am happy about the outcome but I am starting to feel like I'm resenting Wifey for preventing me for being with Nikki. What do I do?
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