Responding to a different thread, editing, expanding a bit, and archiving my thoughts here...
AM, WI, and I just had dinner with our kids intermingling, while the adults worked out date nights and reactions to past dates and all. I showed gorgeous old photos of WI to AM and tried talking WI into the short short dress for their next date. I kissed AM while WI grinned at us. I'm still incredibly happy.
This triad it's just an incredibly rich, complicated realm. I'm not sure I would have picked this, had it not happened. I don't know if I can say that - there's a part of me that feels so at home with this feeling that perhaps it's something I've wanted all along, but it's not like I was unhappy with WI. I am just happy and polysaturated and sated with AM in my life, too. That WI and AM are also lovers is just fucking awesome. Icing on the cake. The perfect after dinner drink. The ... never mind, I'm being silly.
But it's happening, and it's more than three couples, really. There's A-B, B-C, and C-A, plus there's also the actual triad of A-B-C (where we recognize that we're subtly different when we're all three together, in terms of talking styles, sex, and so much else), and then there's also A, B, and C as solo individuals outside of each of the couples, and interacting with and reacting to the couple. That makes for a lot of relationships. In a "typical" couple there's just A and B and their interaction as a couple separate from their interaction as individuals. Triads are complicated.
And they're awesome, when they work! Holy shit, is this fun. BUT, I can't imagine having expected it. What's happening isn't what I expected even two weeks ago. We're on a big web, and when one person moves, the other two move, and all the relationship interactions subtly change. There's no way to predict it or plan for it. The only trick we've got going is plenty of communication and a deep space of trust.
What seems to work for us, and help us move forward, is when the individual (A, B, or C) is spending plenty of time supporting the couple they're not in. If we all trust that we're all doing that, THEN it works out. A complicated bit of game theory, really, and some triad version of the prisoner's dilemma, but for good and not for bad.
I wonder if there's a name for that - not prison sentences but, um, extra kisses or something? Who knows.