Re (from nostorinogt
"She wants to find another woman in her same situation (married with kids)."
Ohh ... that sounds to me like she is entering the dating scene with some very specific expectations of her envisioned partner. What if she meets someone who isn't married? someone who doesn't have kids? Wouldn't it be a little prejudicial to rule that person out as a partner because they didn't meet every expectation?
As for "one person tending the kids at home while the other person's off having fun" ... I would suggest taking turns. Sometimes you tend the kids and she goes out and dates. Other times she tends the kids and you go out and, well either date or just do whatever to you is the most fun. Maybe just hanging out with friends or visiting a bar or arcade or ... whatever *you*
want to do. Doesn't have to be dating, unless that's what you feel like.
Re: your wife ... it seems to me that she is discovering her bisexuality and being with any woman should be helpful as long as she and said woman share opinions, interests, and desires. So again, I would caution her against piling extra expectations upon this as-yet unseen woman. Doing so could make her search more difficult than it has to be.
Opening up (to one's family) can come with huge concequences. Are you sure you want to require that of your wife, especially if your family is more open-minded than hers? Lots of polyamorous people "live in the closet" and no one considers that to be a "poly sin."
I guess I would just caution you as a couple to be flexible and not too particular about what the future "has to look like." People are always unpredictable, and this is especially true in romance. When you fall in love with someone, it may be someone totally unlike what you expected, and someone who doesn't "fit comfortably into the space you prepared for them." Don't deprive yourselves of the joy of romance just because you fall in love with "the wrong person." The only "wrong person" in romance is someone who is dishonest and/or manipulative. As long as you meet someone with a sincere heart and and open mind, I would encourage you to explore a new life with that person.
That, after all, is what makes polyamory such a wonderful prospect.