I chose to remain childless by choice for a loooong time. I love kids, I'm the director of a child care center! But I valued my freedom more, and reasoned that there are already plenty of people in the world without my bringing more into it.
Then, I met my boyfriend, who already had a 1-year-old son when I met him. When Kiddo was 6, we took over primary custody, and suddenly I wanted more than anything to have a baby with Fly. I can't tell you what changed, but the need to have a child was so deep and visceral, it freaked me out. It was a complete 180 in my life philosophy! Long story short, we tried for 2 years before discovering that due to the effects of a chronic illness, my body is not suitable for carrying and bearing a healthy child. The realization was like experiencing a death, and I had a very hard time coming to terms with the situation.
Originally Posted by Nadya
After some soul searching I realized that even though my life is good now, I still cannot make the choice of existence for someone else.
This is so strange to me, because no one CAN make that choice for themselves. By not having a child, you are
making a choice for them -for that potential person to not exist. That's fine, there's nothing wrong with not having children, but I find your reasoning concerning. Additionally, even if your mental health status is improved, if you're still feeling like you wish you had never lived, I have serious doubts as to whether you're in a place where you should be raising a child.
Stand your ground for what is right for you. I'm not familiar with your poly story, but do your guys have other relationships or the freedom to create them? Perhaps there are other avenues where they can experience being fathers without involving you in the procreation process.