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Old 10-08-2013, 06:52 PM
GalaGirl GalaGirl is offline
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 3,304
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You are welcome. I'm glad it helped organize your thoughts some so you can continue to think it over to the end. I hope you do that work for yourself and get to where you want to be with your people.

This part?

Quote:
And finally I think we all need to find a way to figure out what MW wants. At this point in time I doubt she even knows herself.
You don't seem to want to do it face to face at this time. Again, that's a comes later AFTER you are firm of purpose and have made up your mind to proceed.

But if thinking that is freaking you out and you shut down in your thinking process? You could remember you could always send her a letter when that time comes if that makes it easier to execute. Shoot, could give the same 'willingness assessment" to all players. Even you!
Dear MW:

I find it hard to talk in face time but I do want to talk.

Could you be willing to circle things for each of these statements? So I can know where you stand?

1) I would like to grow our 4 person thing into something bigger than swinging/casual sex partners. Could you?
  • At this time, yes. With conditions met.
  • At this time, no. But it could change in time. (soft limit)
  • at this time, no. That will never change. (hard limit)

2) I want you and DH to date in the open. Could you be ok with this?
  • At this time, yes. With conditions met.
  • At this time, no. But it could change in time. (soft limit)
  • at this time, no. That will never change. (hard limit)

3) I would like to date BF in the open. Could you be ok with this?
  • At this time, yes. With conditions met.
  • At this time, no. But it could change in time. (soft limit)
  • at this time, no. That will never change. (hard limit)

4) I want us to try to grow towards an open, honest polyship where we can talk to each other comfortably. Could you be willing to do your part for all of us to get to this place with each other?
  • At this time, yes. With conditions met.
  • At this time, no. But it could change in time. (soft limit)
  • at this time, no. That will never change. (hard limit)

5) I want / do not want to also share casual sex with you in a swinging group context. Could you be ok with this?
  • At this time, yes. With conditions met.
  • At this time, no. But it could change in time. (soft limit)
  • at this time, no. That will never change. (hard limit)

6) I do /do not want to date you. Could you be ok with this?
  • At this time, yes. With conditions met.
  • At this time, no. But it could change in time. (soft limit)
  • at this time, no. That will never change. (hard limit)

7) I do want us to be friends. Could you be ok with this?
  • At this time, yes. With conditions met.
  • At this time, no. But it could change in time. (soft limit)
  • at this time, no. That will never change. (hard limit)
There you go.

Don't want to do it in face time because she's avoidy? Write a letter then. All she has to do is circle answers.

Then you can know where she stands, finish assessing the other players and get on with life.

Move it forward and out of the stuck.

If she's just not willing to play ball? Stop playing ball then. At least you get to neutral zone where you can heal from lies and affairs. That's moving in a positive direction and a good outcome for YOU.

Even if not the BEST hoped for outcome? It's better.

Things take time.

Galagirl

Last edited by GalaGirl; 10-08-2013 at 08:33 PM.
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