Galagirl, again, thank you so much for the above posts. You have given me so much to think about. I definitely need to do some serious thinking about how I want to proceed. I really do want a poly situation with all involved, as I feel BF does as well. My DH (from conversations is perfectly fine keeping it as a swing relationship, but is open to more). And finally I think we all need to find a way to figure out what MW wants. At this point in time I doubt she even knows herself.
I have a lot to think about. More than anything I want things to work with them. We have tried starting relationships with others (during a break from seeing this couple sexually) and while DH does well with it, I have not been satisfied. Sure, I have fun, I meet people I feel I could be friends with, but I've felt like I'm missing chemistry that I felt with BF. This is what lead me to open things back up to the swinging with them.
Maybe it is time to take a break and when/if the situation is brought up we can have a sit down to discuss what we all want. I'm just throwing this all out there/more thinking out loud right now.
I believe I just have a lot of thinking to do.