View Single Post
  #51  
Old 10-08-2013, 06:02 PM
YouAreHere's Avatar
YouAreHere YouAreHere is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: SoNH
Posts: 825
Default

Well... interestingly enough, there's already a solution being worked out for the Christmas thing. P and M1 are both Pagan, and have decided that they will celebrate Yule together while he and I celebrate Christmas. Maybe we'll all spend some time together on Christmas, but it takes the stress off me trying to bend and twist my brain into figuring out a holiday get-together with my family that could somehow include her so she isn't alone (and she wouldn't be alone anyway - she has family in the area, and P's family, but it seems to me that she really didn't want to spend a holiday apart from P, and I understand that).

So, where I left off...

After the holiday talk, we moved on to our "positives/negatives" since the last time we talked. I, of course, was the only one who had anything to talk about (I always feel like the monkey wrench of the bunch, but I guess that's just my bit... ). I brought up the family thing - how I see P and M1 getting time together with his family, and because he "sees them enough", I don't get the opportunity to do the same.

Yes, logistics makes it harder, but P ended up going on a minutes-long discussion about how different members of his family act, and how he doesn't want to hang around them all that much more than he does now, and all I got from that was, "I see them enough." Which is what I had before.

So I clarified my issue: can he and I GET more time with his family (and maybe figure out some sort of balance here so he isn't "fammed out"), or is this the way it is, I just suck up that I'm not going to see them except for group get-togethers, and we all note that this emotion is going to keep coming up because it hasn't been resolved (especially when I see M1's connection with them posted on Facebook - lunches, coffee, and dinners out with everyone, and the envy pops up over and over again)?

And yeah, the FB thing got blurted out as part of the emotional rant. M1 took it well, although I think she was still upset about Christmas at the time. I did make it clear that I don't expect her to change her behavior, but when I'm feeling invisible or "less than", I get even more tweaked when she's VERY visible on his facebook feed, while that's typically not my style. My own issue. My own deal. I wasn't even going to bring it up, but it came out in the emotional torrent. Yippee.

I think I got a compromise... we'll be trying to get together with his sister for coffee, and maybe trying to get some more time with his mom and his son. But outside of holidays and birthdays, we're probably not going to have many more opportunities than we do. P and M1 understand that these emotions (and the envy) will pop up from time to time, and I guess we'll just deal with it when it does.

Not entirely optimal, but workable, I suppose.

I did bring up the FB thing where I was concerned she'd outed me in front of my family (via a comment on a picture I posted). She replied back with, "You're not out? I didn't know that."



No. Our common friends know. Some close family (my mom and sisters) know. Some other friends of mine, but a handful here and there. I prefer to let people know in my own time, and not have my hand forced. I've also been bitten HARD by the "You deserve so much better!" replies, and really would prefer my extended family and friends to get to know P before coming out, so they're less likely to cast him as the villain and me as the unwitting victim.

We'd had that discussion in the past. I found it surprising, and a bit cavalier that she'd make the assumption otherwise. But, she says that now she knows, she'll be more careful in the future. I'm still shaking my head a bit over it, but whatever.

So... a stressful night. I felt pretty heavy after expressing some powerful emotions. M1 felt pretty awful about the holidays, and the mood was just very dour after we were done. Today seems a bit better, although I feel like I just need a nap. But work awaits. ZZZzzzzz...
__________________
Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 10), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
Reply With Quote