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Old 10-08-2013, 01:12 PM
Indygirl78 Indygirl78 is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 30
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Kevin, you are such a great source of information...thank you.

I think on some level she has to know that BF and I have strong feelings for each other. She has consented to us seeing each other in the past, but as far as I know she doesn't know we are currently seeing each other. We see them at least ever other weekend anyway as we are all close friends. She definitely has mood swings that are unpredictable. There have been times recently that she gets quite jealous if BF and I meet to go eat lunch. However, it's perfectly fine for her to go out for a drink after work with my DH (and this happens fairly regularly). She was even upset when the guys suggested going to a bar together to watch a particular football game they had bet each other on. She was upset that she was being left out and left watching the kids while they went out. So, maybe it's jealousy, but also fear of not being included.

I admit I do get tired of the "double standard." BF and I have gone out with all the kids (5 all together) before to allow them to go hang out for the evening. The fact that they have sex during this time is what she wants kept secret from everyone else. Yet, i believe if BF and I even suggested we have drinks after work she would very much not feel ok with that. As I said, she has complained about lunch in the past and questioned why we wanted to do that.

She and my DH work together, so they see each other daily and I think that is part of why she feels drinks after work are no big deal. BF and I don't work together, but occasionally work on the same side of town and the one time we tried to plan something after work she complained to him until he acquiesced and we didn't. It's not all about sex. I miss getting to spend one-on-one time with my BF. We talk/text daily, but the only time we really get to see each other is when we are all together hanging out or the maybe once to twice a month we are able to coordinate our schedules to spend an hour together alone. Even when we were all together on vacation and seeing each other every day we only got about 10 minutes here or there where we were alone and able to talk. We have all been making plans for a kid free trip together this upcoming spring and I would love things to have progressed enough by that time to allow more time alone between me and BF and she and my DH.

I'm going to continue trying to be patient with her. I will let her continue to see my DH and hopefully she will gradually open up more to him and see if he has any luck moving things to a more open arrangement. As is, every time he has suggested she adamantly insists not.

Not really related here, but important none the less. In the past she has been untruthful with all of us. She has tried on more than one occasion to tell me that my BF is jealous or hasn't approved of things in the past in attempt to make him look like a bad guy. Or she will tell my DH that BF wouldn't go for something that he suggests. It's frustrating and I can only think she does this to discourage more than a superficial relationship between BF and myself.

There are so many times I wish I would have discovered a deeper relationship with my BF long ago when I lived with him and DH. At least that way when she had met us it could have been a "here's what we are, take it or leave it" situation.

I appreciate being able to vent and get my feelings out. I truly think she wants things to work in a more open fashion, but for some reason she can't get past whatever internal roadblocks she has. I have in the past suggested she get counseling to help her deal with her past issues, but she only said she probably should have in the past, but has no real intentions of doing it now. Sigh.

I guess this is how it has to be for now. We will just keep supporting her the best we can and hope that she finds some peace with her emotions.
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