Originally Posted by bookbug
Perhaps then you could ask them: you state you are willing to help me work through my issues, but have not been willing to do the things I have suggested. What are you willing to do?
And I am sorry, having this thing decided for you was pretty shitty. That no doubt is adding to the issue. Takes away any feeling of control. That said, people fall for others besides their main squeeze all of the time, and many of them just take the default societal action and leave. I have to give credit to R for realizing that action was not necessary. It may also show how much she trusts you to bring this to you.
I make it a point to say, every time we have a big talk (which lately has been at least once or twice a day or more), that I want them to be happy and that I do not want to 'get in their way' or control their relationship. I hope that dissuades their fears that I don't want to do this, because I love R very intensely (she's been better at showing it so far since my freakout last night), and I feel very strongly for S as well. I'm thinking I may just need to sit back and watch and wait for them to come back down to earth and realize that there is a third person down here!