Sorry to hear that things are going this way for you.
Perhaps you could help clarify a little, though - different people mean different things by the term "primary" - some see it as an emotional thing, some as a purely practical thing (living together, sharing finances, etc).
How do you see it? You mentioned about the financial side of it - would you still live together? How much say would he have in your choice of other lovers, etc.
Please check out The Birdcage - an open, friendly Polyamory forum for all parts of New York State
"Listen, or your tongue will make you deaf." - Native American Proverb