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Old 10-07-2013, 11:32 PM
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Murasaki Murasaki is offline
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Earlier this week Kuroi went out to a venus we used to frequent. Spotted someone attractive. A few days later Kuroi went back, saw this person again, and it dawned on Kuroi that this person was paying attention.

Kuroi told me about it. Told me it must be overt for Kuroi to have noticed. Kuroi then wanted me to go to this venue and see for myself. I was informed that Iíd probably know right away WHO, had attracted Kuroiís attention.

Friday we go, sure enough this person is there, and is smiling at Kuroi as we walk in to door. No question about it, and I agreed this person was very cute. Kuroi and I stayed for several hours. Kuroi didnít get a chance to actually talk to this person, but there was plenty of heavy eye contact going on. Kuroi was doodling on and off on a unlined index card (I buy the unlined ones for that purpose). Before we left I asked Kuroi if I could put Kuroiís name, and email on the back and leave the card with this person. Kuroi wasnít up for that Idea, but was ok with leaving the card with the drawing.

Saturday, we go out to a pub with a co-worker of Kuroiís. Kuroi tells the co-worker about the cute person at this venue, so we end up there. Before we leave Kuroi gets the nerve to actually ask for a name, and find out if they will be there the next evening. I smiled at the two of them it was cute. Afterwards Kuroi told me at least three times in less than two hours about asking for their name. Eventually I told Kuroi that the only thing I didnít do was high five right afterwards. To which I was told that would have been awesome.

Sunday Kuroi plans to go back to see this person again. Weíve talked a little about Kuroi asking them out. Iíve been supportive, making suggestions on what Kuroi might say. I also pointed out that at worst this person will say no, and that they seem nice enough to not be rude about it. Since Kuroi already knows the worse thing that could happen asking them out, it should be easier to take that step. Kuroi talks about how it will be nice to have someone to hang out with especially when Iím not available. (Kuroi goes out a lot while Iím sleeping for work.)

I get messages while Kuroi is out. I find out that this person did keep the doodle. And that Kuroi did get a ďdateĒ. I was happy for Kuroi when I saw that message. Told Kuroi to tell me about it when Kuroi got home. I knew Kuroi was excited.

Sure enough Kuroi was excited, and told me about it as soon as Kuroi got home. By the time I was leaving for work though I was feeling really sadden by this. Kuroi is all excited about meeting this new person, getting to know them, dating someone new. But we arenít over the stress from me breaking up with my ex, or the poly hell things that happened when Kuroi became the hinge, or the craziness of unrealistic expectations, and plans that my ex was trying to make with Kuroi.

Kuroi give me hugs, but the words spoken are not encouraging, they arenít appreciative of my efforts in confidence boosting, or even thoughtful of how difficult it will be on me with Kuroi starting a new relationship. Iím not ready for this. I feel like a child railing at how unfair life is. I just feel in a funk. I try talking to Kuroi from work, but thatís not helping. I get home, and Iím just hurt, and sad. Itís such a switch from the day before, or even while Kuroi was out. Kuroi is baffled, and upset because Iím upset. Eventually I tell Kuroi that I donít understand how I can be perfectly ok with Kuroi dating, even to offering suggestions and advice. Then get so upset about it. Kuroi tells me that itís ok Iím just worried. That Iím afraid it will be like it was with my ex.

Weíve been talking about it off and on. Sometimes Iím really sad, and donít want to talk about it. At other times I can talk about it, and make suggestions, or just listen to Kuroiís concerns, doubts, ect and offer the confidence boost Kuroi needs.

Iím not sure this is really a jealous thing. Maybe itís more like envy (not to different maybe). How is it so much easier for Kuroi to meet someone of interest? Why should Kuroi be dating when Iím still feeling like we need to work on us? Why was I ok till Kuroi got home? Why was I happy for Kuroi only to be so upset after I got off work the next day?

So what to do now? Kuroi is intending to meet this person tomorrow some time.
__________________
Me - Murasaki - Bi/pan
LTR SO - Kuroi - Straight (to complicated to have a current title)
Child of Murasaki & Kuroi - Momoiroi

Kimidori - Kuroi's other primary

In LTR of 22 years, married for 14 years to Kuroi
Didn't realize we had a poly type relationship in High school. Exploring poly again now that our Child is older.
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