third chapter of a third (best title yet =P)
i sent one message to bubby saying, What you read in my last story post, i also sent a im sorry message to fiancee. terrible, i dont text even. i send them both facebook messages =/ knowing fiancee may never recieve it, lol he never checks hehe. but bubby checks first thing every morning, i usually write a good morning message to her before i go to sleep (usually about 4 hours afore she wakes up).
((((we usually share a phone conver. for round 50 min.( i can talk on my phone at work without to much trouble) until she has to clock in. then we talk for the almost full hour at lunch. then a call after work that ranges from 15-30 min. on average. not including the texties all during work and the random messages around dinner. usually never a shortage of talking or things to talk about between us. lol i think her texties the first month of our getting to know each other including her other texts to others if i remember was in the few thousands lol.))))
so needles to say i awoke to a phone call in the morning to bubbies ringtone. ill never not answer her calls. panic stricken and confused is what she was. this trip i took to my decision was purely done by myself and hidden from everyone (mistake breaking my side of communication). i tell her what i want and why. that im fiending for someone in a unhealthy way (i would have murdered, maybe not litteraly..maybe, for a real hug from her).
and the day makes it about oh 5 min. after we get off the phone when i get suprised by a generally honestly concerned call from fiancee. asking what is going on. asking what can be done to help. he steps up like (and im still wary of him at this time) i never ever thought would. i turn down a day date with bubby for a more needed family date at my place this time. i know i needed time with her,alone, but there was still a gap with me and fiancee that unless me and him work on it how can he trust me with his fiancee.
keep a count cause bubby did, thats one date turned down. lol.
a little fast forward, during which im sorting where i lost it, why and to re-establish our comunica together with bubby again. all the while i was sharing with my family, but they arent the source of my resolve. she is. and so i should have never stopped with her. but she needed someone to listen at the time (calling you out bubby =P, your words). we have another most wonderfull visit, i have my baby bubby and they theirs (they are adorable together). we have a late breakfast(lol im a horrible cook, but i survive, maybe no one else does though). i am bout to start lunch but first I i had to make a resolution clear to fiancee, that first and foremost their relationship is more important to me than bubby and mine.
the reason behind this is in my swirls scary thoughts of sabatoge came to mind. in my life, speaking it means i will accomplish it to the best of my abillity to achieve. next, that if bubby and fiancee split that it will not be for me. that for what ever reason if they break apart, im out of the relationship with bubby (therefore making the primary very much more important to me). I have had and still do have detailed talks with bubby about her and fiancee, back then i used to feel sick while i was on the phone giving her advise or my thoughts on how to help her relationship with fiancee or something of the sort. ( i can honestly say i never did fiancee wrong in my advise, maybe thought it but didnt do. sorry fiancee when you read this =/ , )
well, my spoken resolution,, uterly backfired and scared fiancee right out of my house before i could even get the stove warm. later this day they tell me all he heard was "if she leaves you" and "thoughts of sabatoge" and everything else was lost in the wind lol. fiancee leaves fairly quikly for a station vaca. in the car and bubby asks a few questions for clarification and then family day ends instantly, fiancee has a wall up and they leave me in the makings of another WTH am i doing?
later this day after bubby explains to fiancee what was actually said by me. him and i share a conver. and everyone calms cools and is collected =).
this is the end of the easy days lol =)
Last edited by budKEP; 03-05-2010 at 10:10 AM.