Originally Posted by GalaGirl
What is wrong with "compare and contrast?"
In a perfectly logical world, probably nothing is wrong with compare & contract. Unfortunately, I don't think most people including myself are quite so perfectly logical. I believe that in many contexts it is simply wallowing in one's insecurities.
I struggled with comparing. I finally realized that the comparisons always focused on things I felt insecure about. That is what gave me the clue (as with jealousy) to use the feelings as a guide to things I needed to work on.
I don't think a discussion of the "why" of poly is constructive in this situation, it's not germane to the real issue of someone's insecurities.
But as with many of these answers, it's not a blanket statement to swallow everything that bugs us. Sometimes, there are underlying issues that are fair to be addressed. But it's sometimes difficult to scrape off our emotional reaction to find that issue. So, for me, I try to work through my own stuff first until I get down to something that sounds like a logical issue and bring that up for discussion.