My situation. Advice needed.
I'm a 34 years old and I've been married to my husband for 14 years. I've been on and off with my boyfriend for about the past 5 years, but we have been back "on" for a little over a year this time. And our situation is the problem.
My husband and my bf have been best friends for most of their lives. And we even all lived together in our early 20s. My boyfriend has been married to his wife for over 10 years and we are all friends. Here's where it gets complicated. BF's wife has had a close friendship with my DH for most of that time. They took classes in grad school together and have worked together. During this time they started more of texting/emailing more fantasy type relationship. Eventually they convince everyone to try some playing around with the other's spouse. I was hesitant at first, but it turns out the chemistry was amazing.
Things were more of a swing type of situation for a while until BF's wife decides she can't deal with not knowing what BF and I are doing when we are alone and she has issues about feeling insecure that he may like certain things better with me. So, she says we all need to take a break. But about every 6 months she wants to play again. BF and I continue to talk/text pretty much throughout all of this time. As does his wife with my DH. We have on and off periods where everything was out in the open.
About a year ago BF and I started seeing each other when we could with my DH's knowledge and approval. Not long after that BF's wife starts pursuing a relationship of the side with my DH. Here is the crazy thing, the three of us (DH,BF and I) all know when they see each other, but we have to pretend like it is some sort of secret because for some strange reason she seems more comfortable having an affair than telling the rest of us what she wants. On the flip side, she doesn't know about her DH and myself. Any time I've tried to talk to her about things she tells BF she feels "attacked" and when DH or BF try to talk to her she feels "pressured." So, we all spend time together acting like there's nothing going on and only play (I don't care for that word) when she initiates it.
I don't like how things can't be more open with her. I don't like that it makes it so I'm having an affair with her husband and she with mine. And of course we are all betraying her because we can't tell her we all know.
Someone give me some advice. I love everyone involved and need advice on ways to remedy this crazy situation. And I apologize if most of this is rambling. I am just putting it out there as coherently as I can on my phone. TIA for any suggestions!