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Old 10-07-2013, 01:20 PM
emmiska emmiska is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2013
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Default thanks for answers

Thank you so much for all the answers! It somehow makes me feel better to know that I'm not the only one that has been thinking and struggling and that there are people who want to give sincere help and not judge us!

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Originally Posted by Jcon View Post
First of all I'm incredibly happy that you and your friend both have feelings for each other.
Thank you!

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Originally Posted by Jcon View Post
I don't mean to make it sound like a competition or anything - but when two people have conflicting desires, especially extreme ones - someone has to "win".
That's what I've been thinking too. Somehow I feel like the underdog here, but I do understand that this has to be her decision, not mine.

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Originally Posted by Jcon View Post
If he knew the history between the two of you to the point of the emotional level - he should have known to deal with the fact that you two might be serious.
I think that one of the mistakes we've made so far has been the lack of communicating our feelings towards each other right from the beginning. Mostly I think that's because we were so young and unsure at first, and then later on it still took time (for me at least) to realize that there's such thing as being able to love two people at the same time.

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Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
Either we aren't getting a clear true picture of the situation, or else her boyfriend has some serious misunderstandings about people, emotions, and what it takes for people to live a fulfilling life
Is there something more I could tell to make it easier to see the clear picture? Of course, all of this story is based on my subjective views and what I have understood. Which obviously might be wrong, but that's how I've seen it happening. I thought I might show this thread to her, to find out what she has to say. Would that be a good idea?

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Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
Because it sounds like he only had issues after he was involved with both of you together sexually. Perhaps a little too much for his ego to handle
Yes, that's what happened, and I've been thinking of the reasons. He didn't really say what was it that made him feel that way - I thought it might be that he when he saw us together it made him see that there's definitely a deep, meaningful connection between I and her and that got him scared somehow.

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Originally Posted by Dirtclustit View Post
What he is suggesting is that you two willingly accept misery that he can easily remedy by being an adult. It's not fair because he could choose to address his issues and solve the problem, but of course it would be easier if he didn't have to deal with it and you two suffered the consequence of it.
What do you think would be a good way to get him thinking about these things? Talking obviously, but do you think there is any useful ways to start that conversation?

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Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
I agree with the others that the bf is being unrealistic in his expectation that you two somehow magically learn to "un-love" one another. How does one do that? While I can prevent myself from acting on the love - and maybe that is what he wants - I have never been able to simply stop loving someone. Poof!
I can't see that happening either. The only thing I could do, as you said, not to act on it. And as many of you pointed out, I really don't get the difference between best friends who have sex and lovers either. When he was asked about it, the response was that he didn't like us having public displays of affection such as holding hands or cuddling while watching movies.

But at least I've always been quite touchy with all my friends, so that doesn't seem to make difference either. I mean that I might hold hands with my little sister for example while we talk so I can't get the big point there.

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Originally Posted by bookbug View Post
My suggestion would be to try to figure out what he thinks he gains by limiting his gf's relationship with you. Does he even know?
Thanks for pointing out that one, that's one question that couldn't word up myself.

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Originally Posted by WhatHappened View Post
Start thinking about these things, and you may find that the answers to this problem solve themselves.
You're right that this is only one part of my life. I do have many great things in my life: my studies at the uni, a work, wonderful friends (with no emotional turmoil going on ), girl scouts and volunteer work at a peace education organisation. So that's also a great advice, I don't need to rush anything here, I can enjoy other good stuff and hope that this one will develop to be a great thing too.
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