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Old 10-07-2013, 07:11 AM
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fuchka fuchka is offline
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Join Date: Nov 2011
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I got a job! Permanent part-time in the city where Grotto and Ocean live. I'm travelling for six weeks or so (seeing family and friends, camping with Djuna) before I start work for serious.

Things are good, with everything and everyone.

Lobe has had bad experience with long-distance relationships, so he doesn't see much point in them. I'm not sure what that means in real terms... I think I just have to see how it goes. Being with him is wonderful. Being away from him, mm. Will be its own adventure I guess.

My emotions have moved very fast with him. The sex and intimacy and ah, everything, is so right. Different to how I'm close with other people... but a similar intensity. Him being close friends with Grotto, and getting on really well with Ocean too... Things just slot in.

I don't want to feel like the hub though. I'd like to be just another optional friend who is good to hang out with. Not the focus of attention, even if I am sometimes the catalyst of a gathering. I mean to say, for example, perhaps Ocean wouldn't spend time with Lobe if it wasn't for me. But... I hope that they independently enjoy it, and would maybe not even care either way if I was around or not.

Last weekend I made a mission out of carting my gear back from this city to the other. It involved one night in a small town part-way between both cities, with Lobe, Ocean, Grotto and I. Grotto and I got one room, the other two another (with separate beds). We hung out the four of us during the day and night, and the next morning, before parting ways again. Afterwards Lobe jokingly called it a "fuchka convention," but it didn't feel like that to me (or, upon investigation, him either. He was just teasing).

I'd kinda hate that. To be the centre of attention. Unless, of course, well, y'know... But in general, in social situations, I might be keen to engineer an environment or shared activity, but I don't want it to me "all about me" or "my idea of fun" being pushed on other people. I'm more interested in putting the energy into something that everyone will appreciate and enjoy, that's as far as possible designed by the hive mind rather than my own. My contribution is enthusiasm for something people actually want, even though they may not have been willing to make the effort to get it organised themselves.

Yeah.

Ideals, eh.

Must go rustle Lobe from his post-coital snooze. I leave in 11 hours. Will be sad to say goodbye. I hope... I don't get hurt too bad, if he finds it all too difficult for whatever reason.
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