You are not awful at all so erase that thought from your mind. You do have to be open and honest with both of them if you want to have this. I mean completely honest. There may be pain and even loss but continuing to essentially love two people seperately will probably cause you more grief in the long run. You really don't want to end up in an affair atmosphere with the other guy wether it is online or in person. Does your current boyfriend know of your friend and how you talk to him everyday?
Take care and don't beat yourself up