Hugs incoming ... careful hugs, so as not to hurt the bruising from the kicks in the gut.
Sounds like Hubby's taking dictation from Wifey, plopping his head in the sand and pretending all is well. Hey, so you'd have to screw yourself for the rest of your life. That's okay as long as he gets to keep you and still make his Wifey happy, right?
There is a silver lining to this cloud. You are becoming free to move on to better, healthier relationships. Just sucks that those are far away and on the other side of a sea of twisted wreckage.
Get yourself untangled from those two as soon as possible. Let them find another porcelain doll to play with.