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Old 10-07-2013, 12:42 AM
Dirtclustit Dirtclustit is offline
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: Middle of Oregon
Posts: 431
Default It takes all involved being adults

for things to go well, and for things to end without subjecting yourselves to unnecessary pain and suffering.

Either we aren't getting a clear true picture of the situation, or else her boyfriend has some serious misunderstandings about people, emotions, and what it takes for people to live a fulfilling life.

I personally don't see "best friends" who do not engage in sex as any different from "lovers" who refrain from engaging in sex. And it sounds like there is something he cannot bring himself to admit and until all of you feel comfortable discussing everything openly and honestly whatever that issue may be, it will never get addressed.

Some people never reach emotional maturity, but there is a difference between not ever maturing emotionally, and deciding that living in denial is much more convenient.

I suspect he is actually aware how wrong it is to suggest that you and her might try keeping the relationship the same but not to be emotionally involved (or whatever he actually meant by saying he didn't want you two to be "lovers")

something is off, and only he can tell you, maybe he means he can't handle being the boyfriend of a person who is openly bisexual and has a girlfriend, however it doesn't sound as simple as that due to the timing of him having a problem.

Because it sounds like he only had issues after he was involved with both of you together sexually. Perhaps a little too much for his ego to handle

In any event, if he honestly thinks you can be best friends who have occasional sex with no emotional loving going on there, he is an idiot. Attempting to do so will only cause pain and misery, and the fact of the matter is that there are people for whom that becomes their comfort zone even if they do not realize it. That is sad but people do it and that is their choice no matter how foolish it seems

I would not recommend putting up with that

If you both agree that you don't feel like torturing yourselves is healthy behavior then you need to stop doing it.

Regardless of how you feel you need to come to a decision and if your decisions don't agree you should respect that. Hopefully you will come to an agreement, make the decision but then she needs to be responsible for her decisions and should explain to her boyfriend that if he doesn't understand what he is asking for is not possible and he either needs to cut that shit out or leave. What he is suggesting is that you two willingly accept misery that he can easily remedy by being an adult. It's not fair because he could choose to address his issues and solve the problem, but of course it would be easier if he didn't have to deal with it and you two suffered the consequence of it

I have been stupid enough to do that in the past (deal with the negative consequence of someone else choosing not to be an adult) and I will never do that again. Not only is it emotional suicide but for anyone to even allow others to take that on rather than they dealing with their own shortcomings does not in any way fit the definition of Loving a person. It's not respectful, and it's harmful, it's completely unnecessary and which is a very good sign it is an emotion that is not anywhere near the emotions that constitute Love

Last edited by Dirtclustit; 10-07-2013 at 12:50 AM. Reason: typo
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