I'm feeling a little hurt by this assumption that I would somehow have rules for partners around my child. I need to be loved and like nothing more than to share that with several people. Why would I want to constrict that by setting rules and making assumptions that people do things my way.
I am sorry if people have been hurt by couples that are parents that have set rules excluding people. Rules such as primary/secondary. I would wonder what the purpose would be in doing that and assume that they were thinking it might work better for their children. Maybe they were right and maybe they were wrong for them and those involved. I would think that would become evident to them and whomever was involved. That hurt can sometimes last a life time if it didn't work out and if a person continues to gain some kind of benefit by playing the victim.
To put it on others that weren't involved is unfair to me and perpetuates that hurt and pain. Now I think it is put on me and other parents who have and/or want other partners in their lives. We are not the ones that caused that hurt. Someone else did that. Yes I agree that couples with kids have to be careful with their intentions. We have talked about that a million times on here and it still comes up. The thing is, everyone has to start somewhere and that should be respected.
Its our job I think, to respectfully educate and engage others by using examples from our own lives and that of others. Not immediately disagree and bombard them with anger over our pain and hurt. It has made me feel disrespected and hurt. I am not wanting to write anything and certainly haven't learned anything. I just feel defensive and hurt. I would like to feel engaged, thoughtful about peoples experiences and respected for where I am at in my own journey about parenting and relationship juggling. I like to think I do my best to meet people where they are at, I expect that same respect.
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