View Single Post
Old 03-05-2010, 03:21 AM
Ravenesque's Avatar
Ravenesque Ravenesque is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 297

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
I suspect a lot of inactive members fall into this third category. A lot of people struggling with "this new poly thing that my husband wants to try" find this forum and post asking for help. People say all sorts of great encouraging and supporting things to them. They get as much out of the forum as they can grasp for where they are in their journey, and they quit logging in. That doesn't mean they were offended or driven away, it just means they've gotten what they need.

I notice that a lot of people who post asking for help or support don't post in other threads, meaning they're here specifically to get help on their own issue and not to participate in general discussions on polyamorous philosophy. There seems to be a very tight yet small core of regular posters. I've only been a regular member on one other forum, but I've joined at least a dozen over the years. Usually computer ones because I need help with a specific issue.
This is very pertinent.

Poly people seeking advice could very well follow the advice of some who recommend prescriptive rules in their relationships and condone the concept of treating newer partners as lesser beings than partners from pre-existing relationships, as well as treating current partners as 4 year olds who need to have their hands held to cross the street.

I can't get behind views that are based on treating others as lesser people. There's no justification.

I think it is important that other views than this be shown. Joreth only highlighted this and issues which have been discussed by Ceoli, myself and other poly people several times over.

Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat View Post
The real question is, why are giving power over your emotions away to a bunch of strangers on the internet?

No one can make you get angry. You can choose to get mad, or you can choose to be amused. I used to let people's ignorance anger me, then I realized how much pain and anguish that caused me, and so I started taking everything I read online with a grain of salt. So as someone who's gone from letting you all [i.e. the population of the internet] get to me to someone who lets you all amuse me, I can very honestly say this is a lot less stressful.
I've seen others handing their emotions over as the responsibility of others here more times than I can count. Usually as a way to cop out and drive the discussion to focus on them and away from the topic. "Bullying" is often perpetrated by the accusers which degenerates the discussion into posters with valid points defending themselves for having an opinion. Discussions stay pretty much on point until someone decides they are being attacked by the existence of another poster's opinion. It is not a discussion method I choose to engage in.

The internet is a medium by which real people discuss real issues. With all seriousness, the internet is a tad more than just strangers judging by how many institutions and organizations and companies use it as their chief means of conducting business, communication, and commerce. It helps people get rich. If wielded right, it can help you be president. Things get done over the internet. This is not 1998.

In this case, we are speaking of hypocrisy, oppressive behaviors and ideologies which exist within the poly community and which have been reflected on the internet in places like this forum. Discussion which involves critical thinking and analysis of these issues brings change. Silence in the face of oppression allows oppression to perpetuate. Those who address these behaviors and choose not to remain silent are seeking to change the community for the better using a powerful medium such as the internet as one means to do so. They serve to show that there are differing views from those who would silence those views.

I've heard the "choosing" to feel or not feel position before. It is unrealistic. Based on this premise of being able to choose what we feel, we can choose to love one person and we can choose not to feel sorrow when those closest to us die. What we control are our actions, not our emotions.

It is important that individuals and groups be highlighted and held accountable for the role they play and the impact they have on the poly community through their actions.

Are you a polyamorist or non-monogamous individual between the ages 18-35? Are you located in New York State or the Northeast?
Join us at The Network, a social and socially aware network which connects young polys and progressive polys of all ages.

~Open up your mind and let me step inside.
Rest your weary head and let your heart decide. It's so easy.
When you know the rules.
It's so easy. All you have to do is fall in love.
Play the game.
Everybody play the game of love. Yeah...~
Reply With Quote