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Old 03-05-2010, 01:36 AM
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Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
Actually, there are several other people I know of who have left this forum for the very reasons Joreth has stated. I also know several people who are active and long time members and organizers of poly communities take one look at this forum and decide not to bother because of over-protective and defensive flavor of the general posts. And given the very low ratio of active members to actual members, it suggests to me that the "welcoming environment" that is sought is a very selective one indeed since there are a relatively few number of people who choose to stick around. There are MANY people who have left this forum because they have felt this to be a hostile environment. And not because of posts such as Joreth's but because it just doesn't seem to be allowed to offend certain active members of this forum without there being a whole hell of a lot of fallout, even if what is considered "offending" is an actual hard truth being called out.
You may be right, but I have yet to find any online forum that didn't suffer this same fate. Especially "alternative lifestyle" type forums. Any time you get into these types of discussion, it's impossible not to push somebody's buttons, say something that hits a little to close to home, or otherwise piss somebody off. At least, not if you're going to say anything worthwhile.

When some people leave a forum, they announce it and detail everything that was done to them to "make" them leave.

Others just silently decide "this is a waste of time" and quit logging in.

Still others come, get what they need, and leave.

I suspect a lot of inactive members fall into this third category. A lot of people struggling with "this new poly thing that my husband wants to try" find this forum and post asking for help. People say all sorts of great encouraging and supporting things to them. They get as much out of the forum as they can grasp for where they are in their journey, and they quit logging in. That doesn't mean they were offended or driven away, it just means they've gotten what they need.

I notice that a lot of people who post asking for help or support don't post in other threads, meaning they're here specifically to get help on their own issue and not to participate in general discussions on polyamorous philosophy. There seems to be a very tight yet small core of regular posters. I've only been a regular member on one other forum, but I've joined at least a dozen over the years. Usually computer ones because I need help with a specific issue.

Originally Posted by Ceoli View Post
It seems the only way to "contribute to the community in a positive manner" is to allow the ignorance and assumptions to go unchecked and to allow one's self to be continually insulted without getting angry and addressing it. At least for some members that seems to be the case.
I think it's all in how a person interprets it. I have seen more counter-examples than evidence of your claim.

Person A: "BLAH!"
Person B: "This is how I interpreted blah, but I could be wrong, can you elaborate?"
Person A: "oh, that's not what I mean, I meant this"
Person B: "ahh! I see now, thank you for clarifying that."

..... other people post 10,000 words on how their post was misinterpreted and how this misinterpretation was CLEARLY an attack on my opinion and how dare you accuse me of saying such a horrible thing?

The real question is, why are giving power over your emotions away to a bunch of strangers on the internet?

No one can make you get angry. You can choose to get mad, or you can choose to be amused. I used to let people's ignorance anger me, then I realized how much pain and anguish that caused me, and so I started taking everything I read online with a grain of salt. So as someone who's gone from letting you all [i.e. the population of the internet] get to me to someone who lets you all amuse me, I can very honestly say this is a lot less stressful.
As I am sure any cat owner will be able to tell you,
someone else putting you in a box is entirely different
from getting into a box yourself.
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