Yesterday, DH and I were reunited after being apart for almost two weeks. I missed him terribly when I was gone.
Due to prior obligations, we were apart for most of the afternoon. We had lunch with our children, and then, we left them with Nanny J, while we went to counselling from 4-5:15. Counselling was different in a good way. DH opened up to me about his fears about what is going to happen after this crazy accelerated dopamine level drops and how he feels from day to day. I know how hard it is for him to open up to me, but when he does, it gives me a clearer glimpse in to his heart and his mind. He is a host of emotions. He revealed how it is a struggle to open up to me privately, but he made sure to tell me that he is actively working on that. Since he has an aversion to saying anything negative about poly, he did reveal what it was he specifically disliked about poly and why he felt that way. Dr. L. wants to expand on that in the next session. He revealed the thoughts and actions that lead to his return. I can honestly say that he bared his soul and shed a few tears when we got to the parking lot. I wiped his tears and just held him. For us, that openness was a huge deal. It signifies that the trust is continuing to grow, and some part of him feels comfortable with being vulnerable and open to me. I hope we continue on this path because I think we are finally, finally, FINALLY on a healthy path. Glory.
We are still working on integration, balance, and retaining our identities and respective interests. We have 13 years of separate lives to integrate in to one. Yes, they intersected at some points, but that is not the case for all aspects. There were things I was doing with Si that he had no part of. There were things he was doing when I was with her that I could not realistically be part of because I was with her. We have actually found a balance. He gets a break from me, our children, and just goes out with his friends. I am loving getting to know who he is, what he is about, and the man that he has become.
We ended the session on a fun note. She asked how our communication was during my holiday? We told her that we talked every day. Sometimes multiple times a day. We were sending flirty texts, having Skype sex, saying "I love you" just because, and getting back to the core of our love. She was pleased with that. Adding another little marker on our progress.
After our session, he asked if I wanted to go home right then, or if we could go for a walk? It was unexpected, but it was perfect. We just held hands and enjoyed the beautiful weather for 15 minutes. It was just enough time to reconnect, reflect on the previous 75 minutes, and enjoy being with one another.
We had dinner with our children and Nanny J around 6ish. She asked if she could take them to a dance/disco that was being sponsored by one of the children's hospitals. We happily agreed, and we saw them off at 6:30.
Ry - Me. Panromantic demisexual with a history of polyamorist tendencies. Married to...
Matt (Hubby) - The once distant stranger that I complement beautifully. DH of 12 years and father of our (3.5) children.