Thread: in over my head
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Old 10-04-2013, 07:40 PM
gorgeouskitten gorgeouskitten is offline
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: New England
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Originally Posted by pcflvly View Post
The fact that she waited two weeks... it seems she has a record of regular flings and most of her paramours are strewn by the wayside. She decided to keep me though.

What do I need? I need for her to keep her primary relationship together. I don't want her so in love with me that they suffer. That's the big one for me. She has two kids, a 14 year old and a ten year old. I'm a secret from them. I don't like that she has to keep secrets. Meanwhile my teen girls, 15 and 17, know all about her. She had supper with us last night. I don't want her to move in with me though. I like living alone, well, it's just me, one of my daughters, and a disabled relative.

Okay, this is what got me confused. I met another girl. It was just a brief encounter at the pub and we only talked for a minute there. Since then we struck up a conversation. So I told my poly girl that I was going to ask her out. It was our first fight. She got jealous, very jealous but tried to hide it. When I called her out on it she started beating herself up repeating that she had no right to be jealous. I guess it's kind of scary to me to find that she likes me so much.

I sent her this though, "Your feelings do matter and it is indeed a different dynamic than mine. You have a husband and a sweet primary lover (insensitive sometimes if you hadn't noticed) Your card is pretty full. If you have a fling, the other two are not at that much risk for losing you. Yes it's a possibility. Your husband might meet someone and have flings too and there again, he is going to come back. No risk or small risk of loss. However, if your lover meets someone, you might lose them. From what you've said it has happened before. *****, we've known each other for more than a month and have been seeing a lot of each other. I am emotionally invested in you and our relationship is important to both of us. You told him and you kept me and that kind of makes it a big deal. You went to bat for me. So, you are my number one girlfriend. I don't have any others right now and I'm not looking to replace you anytime soon. You must know that I am totally thrilled to be with you and I hope that doesn't change for a long time if ever."
youre message to her is great. My BF and I have the same age difference as you two (that doesnt matter, but was just neat). I think youre spot on about why she got jealous...when Nudge discussed dating i got pretty jealous (he also has a wife) for just that reason, when it doesnt bother me that J dates. but we had been together a few months, you guys have not been togehter long so maybe she doesnt feel secure yet. I think you are on the right track. good luck
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J: my husband of 10 years
Nudge: my boyfriend

on the jounrey to the new normal
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