Thread: Comparing
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Old 10-04-2013, 04:44 PM
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Originally Posted by Marcus View Post
There is such a gap in worldview between someone who is not only monogamous but who cannot empathize with why anyone would *not* be monogamous. Instead of answering with "I want to form new relationships, experience different points of view, enjoy various lovers" the instinct is to give the exact wrong response "I want to find someone who likes Dr Who" or "I want to date someone who has a large penis" or any other bad answer. The first answer is about loving more and experiencing life, the second set is about finding a puzzle piece to fit into a slot which the current partner is inadequate to fill.
Oh, I agree...
P and I had a conversation, early on in our relationship, where he wondered if it would make me feel better to hear what he likes about our relationship versus what he likes about his relationship with M1. I pretty much interrupted him with a "NO!" before he finished getting his sentence out.

I'm happy that he enjoys different things with each of us (or, in the case of Doctor Who, the SAME thing), and I'm happy that M1 and I are careful to not shut anyone out of an experience just because we've done <activity x> with P. Regardless of the activity, your perception of it is different depending on the person (or people) you share it with.

That said, it's pretty obvious that M1 and I have our differences. As long as we're not defined by them ("Sorry, YouAreHere, you're the 'geeky' one, so I'm taking M1 to the art show and not you because that's her bag."), I'm happy.

Now... THAT said, there are times when a general comparison isn't so bad, but I think this goes outside the OP's intent.

P is only the second sexual partner I've had in my life. It's nice to hear that things my ex didn't like are actually pretty goddamn NORMAL. And it's nice to be told you're good at something. Not in a "compare you against anyone specific" way, but in a "Hey, that was pretty stinkin' awesome!" way.
Dramatis personae:
Me: 46/F, Divorced with 2 kids, 2 cats, fish, a tarantula, and a 1930s house with many projects.
Chops: 47/M, Partner of 6 years, lives half-time with me, half with Xena.
Spinner: 52/M, Friend I've been on a few dates with. Divorced, Mono, wrapping his head around it all.
Xena: 47/F, Chops' other nesting partner of 6 years
Curls: 50/F, Chops' partner of 1 year

Supporting Characters:
Choplet: Chops' son
DanceGirl: My oldest daughter
Pokégirl: My youngest daughter
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