Thread: Comparing
View Single Post
Old 10-04-2013, 04:25 PM
Marcus's Avatar
Marcus Marcus is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 1,587

Originally Posted by YouAreHere View Post
I have to wonder if, in some cases, the "well, this person fills this role, while this person fills this other role" type of phrasing is really just trying to find a way of phrasing after the fact.
That's certainly possible.

However, I assert that this kind of phrasing can be part of the problem - as it appears to be with the issues the OP is experiencing. I think it's best not to put that stuff out there.

I understand that it can be tough to avoid this kind of language when hit with the "but why do you want to see someone else? Am I not enough for you?". The natural instinct is to start to quantify the possible gains from another lover... which is where the whole thing goes to pot.

There is such a gap in worldview between someone who is not only monogamous but who cannot empathize with why anyone would *not* be monogamous. Instead of answering with "I want to form new relationships, experience different points of view, enjoy various lovers" the instinct is to give the exact wrong response "I want to find someone who likes Dr Who" or "I want to date someone who has a large penis" or any other bad answer. The first answer is about loving more and experiencing life, the second set is about finding a puzzle piece to fit into a slot which the current partner is inadequate to fill.

Whether as a convenient shorthand or not, I propose that not only this language but that this entire thought process is and will continue to be counterproductive.
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
Reply With Quote