Thread: Comparing
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Old 10-04-2013, 03:46 PM
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Marcus Marcus is offline
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Portland, OR
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Originally Posted by chg2winter View Post
There came a point where I was able to surrender the war on myself (I was the only one telling me stories of my failures). Once I recognized it, I realized that no one was a better lover than us. And no one was a worse lover than us. Because us can not be compared to you and he or she and he or he and he or my lover and her lover(s).

To expand upon the concept of us, you need only realize that you are an entity upon yourself, you are you. And you are the only one of your kind. And your partner is him/her, and they too are one of a kind, an individual like non other. And your partners other partners, or your other partners, by that same view, are again all separate and original and no one else is exactly like them.

If that is so, then this must be so as well - that you (an entity unlike anyone else) plus your partner (a likewise individual) create an us unlike any other. I view it as the Us entity, a third co-created being if you will that only exist in the joining of two individuals. And since the us can not be duplicated, and the us that is created via a partner and anyone else, then there is no reason to attempt to be more or better as there is in truth two different things that can not be replicated.
While this is maybe the most frou frou way I've ever heard anyone say this, the fundamental concept is sound.

No two ways of relating are exactly the same, not even if there is a common person involved in two different relationships. Meaning, I relate with IV the way I relate to her, we have certain types of sex, we have certain types of conversations, we enjoy certain forms of entertainment (movies, TV, etc)... many if not all of those things are going to be different with a different person. Even if some of the habits and interests crossover, the experience will be completely different because it is done with an entirely different person.

This is a very good thing, and one of the core benefits of having a wide social circle and/or multiple romantic partners.

Trying to quantify and then compare relationships is like trying to quantify and compare individuals (only harder).
Me: male, 43, straight, non-hierarchical, independent
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