Thread: Comparing
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Old 10-04-2013, 02:31 PM
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Cherub Cherub is offline
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 31

FWIW, I find this discussion to be interesting and hopefully useful. As a mono husband and partner for 18 years, whose wife recently expressed her strong desire to open the marriage to seek another man for a poly relationship, the subject of WHY in general to include thoughts of comparison do come to my mind with annoying frequency. I can understand some of her reasons to seek another as she says to “fill some of our gaps” on an intellectual level, but I’m struggling more on a gut emotional level.

Maybe it’s my “mono wiring” but when she identifies gaps that she hopes to fill with another, it makes me question myself. I feel like I should be meeting her every need, but rationally recognize that a few of them I cannot. Just the same, emotionally I want to strive to meet her every need to the best of my ability without losing myself in the effort.

Thankfully, the exercise so far is theoretical only, as we’ve agreed to let her look for a perspective guy, (she’s opened an OKC account) , and seek information (we’ve attended our first local poly meet up, with more scheduled), but there is no actual guy to compare to, and are taking things slowly. While I think if her search turns up with her suitable gut, I’d want to know that she’s actually found what she’s looking for, but don’t know how achieving this would actually make me feel or if it would be more difficult than I already anticipate.

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