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Old 10-04-2013, 12:53 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2011
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That's okay - it's new to me too, and from looking things up online, there's still a bit of resistance to some of the labeling ("Oh, you're just looking to join the queer bandwagon"). I've found that the "gray-A" and "Demisexual" labels tend to describe me best... I went YEARS thinking I had no/low libido with my ex, only to find that with P, we have an amazing sex life.

(Amusingly enough, I remember researching mismatched libidos when P and I were getting together, and before we had sex, because I was soooo worried we wouldn't work out in the bedroom... Funny to look back on that now... especially after tripping a breaker this morning due to the bed moving and pinching off some cords. D'oh. )

Like you, I don't seek it out (P has a high libido anyway, so I don't typically have to), but I do get hornier with P than I have with my ex (since maybe college).

If I go without for a while, I go without for a while. Meh. No real urge (except once in a while). I don't fantasize about "hot people" - in fact, random people don't get me hot and bothered at all. I will fantasize about people I've become good friends with, however, once in a while.

When I heard there was a label for it, my first reaction was actually amusement. I never felt I needed a label before, never felt that anything was really "off" - maybe just on the lower end of some spectrum. In my case, though, it never really impacted me - I had three relationships in my life, period, and since high school, I've been "in a relationship" (with some small gaps in between). I never went through a major dating phase where maybe I would have felt pressured into feeling like I need to have sex. I can imagine that folks who are dating may feel like there's something "wrong" if everyone they see is enjoying sex, and they're just not feeling it.

So yeah... I don't know. The labels are new to me too. I feel almost wrong using them... I know I'm not asexual, so I don't want to glom onto anyone else's identity, but it's interesting to find out that there's a name for what I've always been.
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Dramatis personae:
Me: Mono. Divorced, two kids (DanceGirl, 13; and PokéGirl, 11), two cats, one house, many projects.
Chops: My partner. Poly. In relationships with me, Xena, and Noa.
Xena: Poly. In relationships with Chops and Noa, and dating others.
Noa: Married, Poly. In relationships with Chops and Xena (individually).

Blog thread: A Mono's Journey Into Poly-Land (or, "Aw hell, there's no road map?!")
Slightly more polished blog with a mono/poly focus: From Baltic to Boardwalk
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